(Sighhh, if you know me, you probably know i'm still hung up about my crush)
(my tenses are all fucked up, hahaha!)
(this is really long letter, there's no TL;DR summary at the bottom)
( wow i spent like an hour on this)
Dear Crush,
Usually when i fall for a guy then get to know him, i quickly lose interest, but with you, i don't know. I've never really met a guy like you, someone who is so sure about himself ,thinks very logically and lives in the now. You've claimed you have no emotions but i know you better than that. You make this claim but i can see that you're just using that as a shield or barrier against other people. You're the first person i've met that did not open up to me within a reasonable amount of time. You are a tease because you'd only give me glimpses of your true no-holds self, but i was chipping at the surface, i was getting through to you. It's just that i only had one quarter with you, such a short time but i really got to know you. You got to know me, but i have no idea how much of my personality you absorbed or if it just went through one ear and out the other.
The reason i did not confess my "love" for you was because i knew that it would never be reciprocated as sad as that seems. I actually liked you for you, not someone you could have been or someone made up in my mind. I didn't tell you i had a big crush on you, but you knew. I know you were only looking for someone that you physically liked, you never really looked for a girl with personality. Heck i don't even think you were looking for relationship. You only saw me as one of the guys. You never lead me on, i think i only lead myself on. You were a great friend. Most of all, you weren't dense, you could see the nuances (geez i was way more dense than you, hahhaha).
I really like that you talked about yourself, sometimes when i talk to people i talk about myself in order to keep the conversation going. But you saw that i was always willing to listen. You genuinely wanted to make me a stronger person by telling me not to just take crap from my mom and telling me to just use logic more (and not my emotions). You were a great person to talk to (except when your roommates interrupted). I miss talking to you because you thought so logically, you helped make everything clearer.
I liked that you were so passionate about your hobbies. You even let me sit in on your private piano sessions, i think that's what i enjoyed the most. I would just sit there and listened while you played to your hearts content.
The reason i'm so hung up on you (i think) is because i know you're not the type to just keep in contact via internet/facebook or phone calls and i know i'm not going to see you (probably ever). I hung out with you practically everyday and I never weaned myself off of you, i just quit cold turkey the night i left for home. I guess there was no proper closure of our friendship. I've tried talking to you on facebook but you don't really respond, that's really strange but it helps me get over you (maybe that's what you're doing :/).
I have to move on, I could think to myself, maybe one day he'll realize what he's missing (a girl who accepts him for him and his flaws). I know that's going to be a long time from now and i don't want to wait for something that might never happen.
I've thought to myself, maybe i can get over you by distracting myself with other guys. No, i don't want to be my boy crazy self. I think that i should not worry about dating or anything. You've made me not boy-crazy, that's just preposterous.
You were my first REAL college crush. I just need to let you go.
Love, Jeany
P.S. I don't think i'll forget about the time i kissed your cheek (before i got to know you), the only thing i thought right after was "prickly" and i think i'll always smile when i think about it.
