I start thinking back to when me and Ann were studying abroad, we were super positive people. We were just living in the moment and waiting for the next adventure. It was just so freeing being abroad, making friends with new people, learning cultural differences. I just get a warm fuzzy feeling thinking about it.
The last couple of months, I've just been constantly worrying. I've been worrying about getting a job, going to grad school, being able to get the classes I want in community college, and also worrying about the school loan debt that I'm carrying. Of course all of this stuff is putting a damper on having fun and being carefree.
I look back at the guy i added and he's off abroad teaching and having the time of his life. It really seems like he's really happy and that he hasn't a bother in the world. Of course I'm jealous, but also his positivity makes me wonder.
Why not think positively? It's not going to hurt, all this worrying is not doing me any good. Makes me think that i've been a damper on myself.
All those things, above, i can just stop worry about and it wouldn't be a problem. There's just one thing i can't shake, the future unknown. I'm the type of person who like to be ready when something comes up but there are just too many possibilities ahead of me and it's scary because i don't know if it's going to turn out good or bad.
I guess i just don't realize that when those things finally come, i will probably be able to deal with it without having too much problems and once it's over, I know i'm going to ask myself what i was worried about in the first place.
I just have to keep in mind that the future is unknown but that i'll be able to deal with it then. There's no use in trying to prepare for everything ahead of me. Might as well just live in the moment, even though it's hard when you're really broke (woops negatively slipped, this is going to be hard).
1 comment:
Yes... not knowing the unknown (called the future) can be unnerving. It's all a part of life. When you are abroad, you don't know what's going to happen; and when you are home, you don't know what's going to happen. All you can do is plant a seed and build a foundation wherever you are... that usually gets the ball rolling.
Ex: You plan on going to Asia to teach (which I did for a a week in the summer, and recommend if you want to travel because they pay for your plane ticket, housing, eating most of the time). You have no idea where to go, what to do, what to eat... but the anticipation is fun.
OR if you are at home and you have all these things to worry about, apply for random jobs (you don't mind working at) or volunteer at places that you MIGHT want to go to grad school for to see if its even for you. Plan outings to things on your "bucket list" - santa monica 3rd street? riding your bike along venice beach? go karting? Plan something to look forward to. =)
Any of these experiences will make you a better person. =)
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